Memories
by OnTheLastPage
Summary: Just a little something I thought up... 11 shares some memories with Amy about Rose.


"I can help Rose Tyler with her homework."

He had said this on the brink of death. He had thought of her when he was faced with dying. Rose Tyler was still in his hearts. After all this time. Always.

The Ponds have never asked about her. They had never asked why some nights the Doctor just wanted to keep to himself. They had never asked why he would sometimes stare at one of the writings in Gallifreyan, the one that looked like a rose. They had never asked why when he would stare at the writing, he always looked like he would cry. They had never asked about the room the Doctor kept locked away. The room with the door that had the same Gallifreyan writing.

Amy had walked into that room, when the Doctor had forgotten to lock the door, and walked into a very pink shrine. There were pictures lining the wall and the dresser, all of one blonde woman and two men. One of the pictures was the blonde woman standing next to a tall rugged man with big ears wearing a leather jacket. They looked like they were just in the middle of a really funny joke when the photo was taken. Another picture was of the same woman, slightly older, standing next to an attractive man with hair that seemed to fly wearing a brown suit and a trenchcoat. In this photo, it seemed as if the person taking the photo had neglected to let the two know that they were taking a picture. The man was looking at the woman with such love in his eyes that it made Amy tear up with longing. What had happened to this woman? Looking around the room some more, Amy noticed that everything was neat. All of the clothes and shoes were put away. Everything was nice and tidy except for the unmade bed and a pink short sleeved shirt laying on it.

Stepping closer to the bed, she noticed what looked like a photo laying next to the shirt. Picking it up, she realized it was a video. Clicking play, Amy was immediately met with a warning:

THIS IS THE DOCTOR'S PERSONAL MEMORIES. ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?

Hesitantly, Amy said yes and watched as a big eared man in a leather jacket grabbed the blonde womans hand and whispered 'run'. Learning the womans name was Rose, Amy immediately had a sinking feeling that this was going to end badly. She continued watching as the big eared man told Rose she was beautiful and then used the phrase 'for a human', how he knew the world was going to be taken over by big green aliens and all he was afraid of was losing her. She teared up when Rose saved him from being killed by taking the TARDIS into herself, and how he had ultimately had to regenerate to save her. She believed it when Rose had told the man in the suit that she would stay with him forever. She felt such love from the Doctor when he had been furious about Rose's face being taken, and she got chills when he had said 'As a consequence that makes this simple...very, very simple. Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this earth that can stop me!' She laughed when they were knighted 'Dame Rose' and 'Sir Doctor of TARDIS' on the same day that they were banished from the kingdom. She felt love in her heart as the Doctor faced down the Devil and told him 'I believe in her!' Her heart broke when the Doctor had told Rose that he would send her over to the parellel world, and was fixed when Rose stood her ground and told him no. Amy started crying when Rose was being sucked into the void and all the Doctor could do was scream her name. She gasped for breath when the Doctor had told Rose he was burning up a sun just to say goodbye. When Rose cried and asked the Doctor if she would ever see him again, Amy bawled when he told her 'You can't'. She dropped the video when the Doctor had cried after not having enough time to say those three words back. There was more, but Amy couldn't handle that. Her heart ached for what the Doctor had to go through.

Placing the video back where she found it, Amy turned to leave the room. As she closed the door behind her and wiped the tears from her face, she noticed the Doctor looking at her in the hallway. She opened her mouth to apologize but was betrayed by sobs. She said 'I'm sorry' over and over, but not for going in Roses room, she was sorry he had lost her.

The Doctor was silent as he opened and closed Rose's door behind him. Amy heard the video turn on and before she had a chance to walk down the corridor, the Doctor opened the door and handed Amy the video. She shook her head and told him she didn't want to see anymore, but the Doctor kept handing it over. Givng up, Amy took the video in her hands and watched as the Doctor looked broken when a ginger woman in a wedding dress picked up a shirt off of what looked like a tree branch and had asked if he kidnapped another woman. The shirt, Amy had realized was the same shirt that was laying on the bed. He told her that was his friends and she had asked if she went out for a space walk. Amy sobbed more when the Doctor looked so upset as he told the very loudmouthed ginger that she was gone, he had lost her. When the ginger had asked what his friends name was, Amy choked as the Doctor said 'Her name was Rose.' He seemed to say her name like it was the first time saying it, but also like he had said her name a million times before. She wanted to hold him as he told the Martha woman 'I had.. It was recently. A friend of mine. Rose, her name was Rose. And... we were together...' Amy's hands started trembling when the Doctor had brought Rose up in almost every conversation with Martha. She felt bad for the woman because it was clear that she had feelings for the Doctor that would never be returned. She could feel the Doctors anger when the woman named Lilith had tried to use a spell against the Doctor. 'But your heart grows cold. The northwind blows, it carries down the distant... Rose?' Of course it had backfired, because the minute the woman said that name, the Fury of the Timelord was unleashed again as the Doctor said 'Oh, big mistake. 'Cause that name keeps me fighting!' She teared up again as the human Doctor still remembered Rose, and how he had written in his notebook over and over 'Perfect Rose' She smiled as the Doctor had told the American man named Jack that Rose had saved everyone on the game station. He seemed so proud of her. She broke into another sob as they continued their conversation later in their adventures. 'She's gone, Jack. She's not just living in the parellel world. She's trapped there. The walls have closed.' Amy had to lean against the wall for support as the Doctor was talking to some of his old companions and he seemed so upset that Rose wasn't in the conversation. She sobbed with joy as the ginger woman, who's name was Donna, had simply smiled at the Doctor as he was trying to get an answer out of her about Rose and said 'Why don't you ask her yourself.' The look on his face as he sprinted toward her was obvious love. She kept smiling at the video at the memories of the Doctor and his Rose. When the TARDIS landed on Bad Wolf Bay, Amy knew the video would soon end. She was glad she was leaning against the wall then, because her knees had given out from all her despair. 'Does it need saying?' 'Yes' she had mouthed, and looked up to see the Doctor with tears in his eyes. She heard a small sound escape the Doctor's throat as the memory of the metacrisis Doctor had said the words that he so desperately wanted to say. She sobbed harder as the Doctor had to erase the memory of his best friend, the woman who had been through so much with him, the woman who was his last thread to Rose. By the time the Doctor had told past Rose in his last minutes of his regeneration that he bet she was going to have a great year, Amy was on the ground trying hard to see through her tears.

When the video was over, the Doctor helped Amy to her feet and wiped the tears from her face. She had asked him why he would keep the bad memories and not just have the good ones. She cried again as the Doctor had told her 'Sometimes, it's better to remember the bad, so it makes the good that much better.'

Years after the Doctor cheated death and the Ponds were his companions again, he had told them what he said to Dorium when faced with death, they didn't ask who Rose Tyler was. They didn't ask why after all these years, the Doctor still had trouble saying that name without getting a sad look in his eyes. They didn't ask why he had no problem telling them about every companion except her.

They didn't ask. Because they didn't need to.


End file.
